Vernwy Villainy
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Friday night, a minibus full of beings of the bizarre kind set off into the blackness of night. They were all members of an underground species known as... MMSU CANOE CLUB!!!!!!!!! (Cue Twilight Zone music.)

After stocking up on food (which was included in the £35 we each paid) and alcohol (can't have a canoeing weekend without it) we headed off into the middle of nowhere (AKA the Lake Vernwy in Wales.)

Now, the first night is usually very uneventful, but everyone was enthusiastic and up for playing some serious drinking games. I'm probably not really the right person to talk about Friday night, as I spent the time soaking my brain with the old Smirnoff Red, but I'll do my best!

Somehow we all managed to cram our backsides into the living room, all sat around the real coal fire -oh so romantic. We played Chase The Ace and the lucky person to finish with the lowest card had to down two fingers of an orange concoction which I think had vodka (more vodka!!) in it. We also found some Junior Trivia questions that -I admit- we did find difficult to answer, but we were drinking the brain drain juice and the questions were written in 1975 or something. Even the old geezer of the house, Ross, wasn't born then.

To add more madness to the night's drinking, anyone who pointed had to down two fingers of their chosen alcohol. We also had a self-nominated 'drinks master', our very own scout leader Mr Sands. So, whenever Jamie swigged his drink, we all had to drink. But this idea was conveniently forgotten when we realized just how many swigs Jamie was taking. Not that I can complain......

Hmmm, at this point my mind goes hazy. I've been informed that I had to be dragged up to bed because I was becoming slightly (or maybe insanely) upset. But, everyone had a good laugh, so my 'Miss Jekyll' side must have some good entertainment value. Graeme on the other hand is one baaaaad lad!! (See later.)

Saturday morning, we all dragged our lazy sorry arses out of bed, crammed our faces full of greasy fry-up breakfast (which was very tasty, so cheers for that, Dan!) then headed for the River Vernwy. We all paddled, as it was mostly around Grade 3 standard, so nothing too scary for the beginners and myself (honorary beginner.) The whole day was pretty successful. Igor managed his first roll on a river (big slap on the back for that.) Nick was really up for it, paddling like an Energizer Bunny on heat. It was only towards the end that things became a bit chaotic; a few swims happened fairly close together -I won't name names, but you know who you are!

Saturday night, Big Bob and Swotton crash landed on us, followed by a rather more sober Rhian. We'd had our chicken curry (complements to the chefs), and for once in Canoe Club history we were sitting around quietly (!) supping our drinks when we heard an engine outside followed by "Timmaaaaaayyyy!!!!!"

Basically, Swotton trashed the joint, soaked Nick and others with vodka and orange and decided to put people's canoes up trees, at the bottom of hills etc. He was completely off his head, as was our very own theoretical Graeme a bit later.

We played "I have never..", a game traditionally played near the start of every uni year when there's new people to get dirty secrets out of! Also a good way of seeing what existing members have been up to. Jamie had a particularly big gob that night, so I'm hoping everyone was too drunk to remember. I don't think there were really any shocking revelations, but I got the feeling Polly was the target of a couple of "I have nevers".

There was an unexpected scary moment when Graeme started laying into Gandy. I think all who were there would agree we can blame that on the attractive sewage Graeme had been chucking down his neck all night. So we had the honour of seeing Graeme possessed by a scally (no offense to any other scallies out there.)

On our last day in Wales, some people paddled the more difficult Lower Vernwy  (am I right?), the most sensible people went to the pub and the rest of us 'cleverly' decided to walk the 4km up to the get-out point. Much climbing barbed wire fences, trespassing and clinging precariously to the riverbank later, we arrived at the safety of the pub. The pat on the back for the day should go to Polly, who was reluctant to paddle but managed to survive it with smile intact.

THE END.

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Last modified: Thursday November 22, 2001.